Unexpected News
by Cass4
Summary: Chapter 3 Up Finally. Please Read and Review! Vaughn's Point of View. Please let me know what you think and any suggestions are appreciated!
1. The Ocean

Disclaimer: All of the characters belong to JJ Abrams. *sigh*  
  
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Three long years. The longest years of my life thus far. I had sat at the back of the tiny church and cried, tears running freely across my cheeks until there were none left. I thought I was going to die. She had been the reason I had gotten out of bed every day for years though she never knew it. Then one morning fate took her from me. Evil had won out over good. She was so good. Fate had stepped in never allowing me the chance to hold her in my arms and tell her they way I truly felt. I despised fate for taking the most amazing, intelligent, brave, caring, beautiful woman who ever set foot on Earth. I couldn't help it. Couldn't help hoping that there had been a huge mistake.  
  
Jack had woken me that day. I had been well before dawn. I heard his words but wouldn't let them register. It wasn't true, I told myself over and over. I screamed at him. NO! You're lying. You lie. She's alive. There's been a mistake. You're wrong, Jack. You're lying. She was gone. She hadn't even started to live. She'd never known. Jack tried to comfort me. I slid to the floor, onto the cool tile. I couldn't feel anything but empty. I did not shed tears, those would come later. Jack sat next to me in a daze of guilt and sorrow. I still don't know why I said it. But maybe it was because I had to tell someone that I'd lost the love of my life. If I hadn't I'm sure I would have curled up and died along with her. I looked Jack in the eye. I told him. I told him everything that I'd wanted to tell Sydney for so long. I confessed my feelings. I told him about all of the times that I'd wanted to tell her. All of the times I'd let her down. The times I hadn't done enough. Jack eyes looked sad and he placed his hand on my shoulder. He said he was proud of me, and that I'd done all I could to protect her just as he had. His face grew softer and sincere. He needed to confess as well. She had loved me. She loved me as I loved her. He told me that she had wanted to be with me. That the minute that SD-6 was dead she was going to be with me. My heart swelled with grief once more. We sat on the floor together until the sun was pouring through the windows. We tried to the draw strength from each other to get back up and face our lives without her. Without our Sydney. She was gone.  
  
I called Devlin. He had heard. I told him that I was taking a few days off. He protested only briefly and then consented. Everyone knew why I was doing this and it was useless to try to deny it any longer. I didn't care if I lost my job. I didn't matter. I drove to the shore and I sat on the beach listening to the surf. I recalled the night we had met here. I replayed her voice in my head. She had been surprised when I told her to meet me at the beach and not the warehouse. We had talked for hours, just watching the ocean meet the sand again and again, under the stars that night. She had told me that she loved the ocean because it was turbulent, ever changing, full of beauty and secrets. Whether she knew it or not she had described herself. Before we left she had hugged me and kissed my cheek softly. She thanked me. All the while I wanted to scream to the world that I loved her. I wanted to pull her into my arms and kiss her until the pain and the suffering was gone. I should have but I didn't. I stuck my feet in the warm sand and imagined her sitting next to me, cracking jokes and filling me in on her latest adventures. I missed her so bad.  
  
I stripped off my shirt and pants. I moved into the water and swam wanting to feel her soul wash over me. The ocean was my lifeline to her now. The only thing I had left. I thought about swimming out as far as I could. I didn't care anymore. I just cared about her. I wanted to be with her, wherever she was.  
  
Eventually I found myself sitting on the sand again, emptier than I was before. I played Jack's words over in my head over and over. She had loved me. Had she though about me in her final moments? I shook my head trying not to think about it. It was too late and nothing would ever change that.  
  
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- -This is kind of angst ridden right at the moment but trust me ;) it'll get better. Please read and review even if it's only a word or two. Any ideas for the plot would also be greatly appreciated. Thanks! 


	2. A Tiny Church

Note: Thanks to everyone who took the time to review this! I really appreciate it. Sorry I haven't updated this since before Christmas but you know how it is. Thanks and please review! (  
  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to J.J. Abrams and Alias.  
  
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It seemed that the weather matched the mood of those long and dark days that followed Sydney's death. I didn't go anywhere really. I spent a lot of time sitting on my couch staring out the window at the stormy rain clouds. Water streaked the windows as my tears soaked my face again and again. Donovan barely left my side, somehow sensing that I needed the company. His sorrowful eyes followed me as I paced and screamed at the world. Donovan heard about the woman I had loved. He heard everything, from the beginning. I told him all of my regrets and wishes that would be unfulfilled. It felt so good to finally say those words out loud. It made it real to me. For months I had scolded myself each time a thought of her crossed my mind but the time had come to confront these feelings and realize that protocol shouldn't have mattered.  
  
I was furious to realize that I couldn't even attend her funeral as it might blow Jack's cover with SD-6. I wanted to go so badly. To talk with all the other people who were missing her; to her friends and tell them how much she loved them. She was so proud of them both. I hoped that they understood that. But I wasn't about to put another Bristow life at stake simply to satisfy myself. So I stayed away. I watched from a distance as the mourners left the tiny church with their black umbrellas over their heads. They followed the hearse slowly as they moved to the cemetery. I snuck into the building shaking the rain out of my hair. I walked to the front to examine the bouquets of flowers that lay there. Conservative arrangements were scattered about from 'clients' who she had never known. Even in death parts of her life had been a lie. I wished that I could have given her a life that was real and shielded her from the atrocities that she had to deal with on a daily basis. One large bouquet in the corner caught my eye. As I read the card my blood ran cold. The neatly printed card read the name of Arvin Sloane. My stomach turned as I lurched toward the back of the church. There were several pictures on a small table at the back. I knew it would hurt to look at them but I couldn't help myself. Sydney as a child on Christmas morning; Syd, Will and Francie at the grand opening of Francie's restaurant. As I shuffled through some loose photos I noticed one that took my breath away. Sydney stood alone on a beach nearing sunset, her hair blowing loose in the wind. A single tear escaped down the curvatures of my face. She looked so innocent and carefree. Not in pain or suffering. She looked the way I wanted to remember her. I tucked the photo into my jacket pocket as I exited the church and walked quickly to my car. 


	3. Vaughn's Decision

Disclaimer: All characters are property of J.J. Abrams and Alias  
  
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The next few were a blur of meetings. Meetings about the future of the CIA's involvement in taking down SD-6, about Agent Bristow's death, about our new potential double agent. All were issues that I wanted nothing to do with. I did my best to put on a good face for everyone. I wanted no one to know how upset I was. Colleagues patted me on the shoulder and told them how sorry they were for the loss of my agent. They didn't understand how much more she was to me though. They just didn't get it. Even Weiss said those words to me, though I suspected that he understood that there was more to it than that by the look in his eyes. Obviously I looked upset but it was imperative that no one understand the true extent of those feelings, even now my love for her had to remain a secret. To the world she had been my agent and I had been her handler. Simple as that. Cut and dry. Black and white. Nothing more.  
  
*** Flashback It was hot. Uncomfortably hot. The sweat trickled down my back and pooled at the waist of my pants. I shifted in my seat for the tenth time, trying to find a comfortable position for my long legs. These seats weren't made for people who were more than five feet tall. The person next to me glared in my direction when I kicked him in the shin. "Sorry," I mumbled quickly. My tie was too tight. I struggled to loosen it. I felt like it was cutting off my airway. I really didn't want to be in this meeting. I hated talking about Sydney's death and her replacements. How could the CIA just treat her like some animal that they needed to replace before production decreased any more than it already had. They didn't understand who she really was and truthfully didn't care. I wasn't able to concentrate on Kendall's words. I watched his mouth move but the words escaped my grasp. I thought about my meetings with her at the warehouse. The sun beams shining through the dusty air and her smile lighting up my soul. I asked myself why I had never taken the plunge and just told her straight out how I felt. These were the questions that kept me awake at night. Regret is such a powerful emotion.  
  
The meeting droned on as my mind wandered further from the topic at hand. I thought about the day I met her and how my heart had skipped a beat. I was sick and tired of trying to bring down SD-6 without Syd. I felt guilty that I wasn't more inspired but I just didn't have the drive or the energy to do it anymore.  
  
Jack and I still met to discuss his missions and counter-missions. I wasn't his handler by any means but I acted as his contact at the CIA more often than before. I had sensed a change in him since Syd's death. There was something quieter about him. He lacked the intensity that he used to have. Though he maintained his gruff exterior his tone around me had softened, especially when he spoke of Sydney. I never understood how much she meant to him. In fact I spent most of my time being frustrated with him for not appreciating the truly amazing woman that she was more often. That was behind us now. We had practically developed a friendship. I suspected that I was one of the few people that he discussed Sydney around and I felt privileged that he trusted me. Privileged because I was sure that Jack could count the people that he truly trusted on one hand easily.  
  
I knew that I couldn't stay in this line of work much longer. Not if I was going to remain a sane and rational person. There were too many reminders of her around. Although I loved memories of her, most days they hurt more than they did any good. As I headed to the warehouse, 'our warehouse' as I had usually called it in my mind, to meet Jack I made my decision. I wanted his blessing before I let anyone else know. I knew what I had to do. She would've wanted me to move on as well. It was time. 


End file.
